God gave me you for the ups and downs. God gave me you for the days of doubt. And for when I think I've lost my way, there are no words here left to say, it's true, God gave me you.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

It's been one whole year.

February 2nd, 2011

I knew the dreaded day would come. I felt regret everytime I thought of her and how I had neglected to go see her in that nursing home because I couldn't make time away from my so-called busy life. That morning started out like any other. I got up about 7:00ish and pressed the snooze button continuously. My step-mom called and I rolled over still dozing in and out. A few minutes later I finally rolled out of bed, took a quick shower, and got ready to do my hair. I glanced at the clock and noticed I was running a little behind schedule. I quickly grabbed the hairdryer, started it and I see my cell phone light up again from across the room. I ignore the call and figure I can just call whoever it is back on my way to work. As I continue to blow dry my hair I notice my phone light never goes off. As I mumble in frustration words that a classy lady should never say, I run over to the phone with my hair still dripping wet, rip it from the charger cord and see that my mom is the one who continues to call. I immediately press the ignore button. -I knew.-

My heart sank.

This was not supposed to be the day. She was supposed to wait on me to make it back to Georgia so I could come visit her and she could tell me more stories about her crazy roommate yelling during the night. I wanted to see her freshly painted nails. I wanted to hear her tell me about quilting. I just wanted to squeeze her frail body one last time. But I knew at that moment, I would never be able to. My body ached in pain. I sank to the now soaked bedroom floor and sobbed loud and hard. I felt so much guilt. I layed on that damp floor for what seemed like forever trying to find a resolution, a way to rewind time, a way to make up for my selfishness. I finally managed to pick the phone up and dial Brandt at work. As soon as he heard my voice, he felt my pain. Although he wasn't aware at the moment of what had happened, he was on his way home. I felt slightly better when Brandt got home and was able to comfort me. He was still not sure what was going on because my voice was hardly recognizable through my crying. I finally calmed down enough to tell him, she's gone, my Grandma Buell is gone.

I know everyone has heard this statement about someone before, but I sincerely mean this from the deepest part of me, she was the sweetest, most kind-hearted lady I have ever known. My memories of her include nothing but great times! I remember staying with her many nights as a young girl. I would stay in the middle bedroom with a bed double my height that I'm pretty sure I would have to get a running start to jump onto. This was also her sewing room. At night before bed, the sound of the sewing machine would put me to sleep rather than a song or a story book. She was a woman of great talent. Most of the clothes, or I should say the suits she wore were all handmade by her fragile fingers. Her closet was lined in every color imaginable suits. They were always neat and tidy hanging up. Her floors were lined with tile in every room. She was allergic to carpet and flowers. Her kitchen always had the aroma of a yummy southern meal or a delicious cake. That's what the town knew her for... those cakes. She could make any kind you wanted. Her coconut cake was a specialty. I preferred the stash of Reese's and oatmeal pies she had stowed away in the back of the pantry. My favorite part of being with my grandma was in her living room. She had a furnace that would literally heat up a mall, it was huge!!! It could be the middle of summer and she would have that thing roaring. She and I didn't mind. Our bodies had become so used to that heater, we loved to sit in that room and watch one of the four channels she could receive with her rabbit ear antenna. I could go on and on about all the memories I had with her. It has taken me a while but reminiscing about all the time I spent with her have helped me cope with losing her. Although she is gone to be with all her friends and my heavenly Father, I will cherish the memories I had with her forever.

Mary Buell Yarbrough


  1. <3 I'm so sorry for your loss. I know she is watching down on you though and still loving you. It's good that you still remember her and keep her in your heart.

  2. That is so sweet honey!! She loved you as much! I'm not sure if you remember that when you were little, you have breathing problem. You stop breathing for no reason so she spends the night with us every night to make sure that you will be ok. She knows how panicky I am and for her to spend the night with us make me feel better and I know it makes her feel better too. :) I do miss her and you are right... She is a Great woman and best cook ever!! I miss her baking apple cake for me!!
    We miss you Ms. Yarbrough! We love you!

  3. I'm so sorry Nicki! It sounds like she was an extrodanary woman. Sounds like you have lots of great memories of her...beautiful story of her! <3


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